I still love you, Jordan Catalano.

An excerpt from a comment I posted on Jenelle's facebook:

I've been reading everyone's blogs from 2003-2004 nonstop for the past like 12 hours. I love reading all of the things that we thought were important when we were still teenagers. We were so poetic and concerned about the smallest things. (...ex: "I 'fell asleep' on the way home so I wouldn't have to pay toll. They made me "toll bitch" but I didn't think I should have been; I paid for a lot of the dinner.") Oh yeah, did I mention that I think we've lost a lot our of eloquence over the years? I fully do, I also loved our sense of humor. I think we're funnier now, but in a more finely tuned way. Our humor was so silly and different, that when I read our quips from back then it's like a breath of fresh air. It's like when you make a new friend who is slightly younger than you who has a cool sense of humor, it makes you remember what it was like to be that age and have a completely different view on everything that came your way. I'm going to try not to lose all of this.


Another thing that I liked about re-reading all of these was that it gives specific dates of events that are still in stories that are told today. It was great to reminisce about things that I forgot about too. There were many instances where I read about something and had to sit for second to try and remember whatever it was that person was talking about. All in all a totally wonderful experience that I am going to take advantage of.

Nothing of importance

Claire de Lune (Moonlight)
by Paul Verlaine (1844 – 1896)

Your soul is a chosen landscape
Where charming masked and costumed figures go
Playing the lute and dancing and almost
Sad beneath their fantastic disguises.

All sing in a minor key
Of all-conquering love and careless fortune
They do not seem to believe in their happiness
And their song mingles with the moonlight.

The still moonlight, sad and beautiful,
Which gives the birds to dream in the trees
And makes the fountain sprays sob in ecstasy,
The tall, slender fountain sprays among the marble statues.

Quick (and lame) Update.

I leave for Europe in seven days! One week! One week!




bye bitches!

Save Gracie!

Can you see the relation? Clearly we're family. i love being an Auntie.

...and just for a nice flashback -

“All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then all you motherfuckers are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.”


Alright off to El Happy Hour with Adrianna and Jenelle!

a little reminder -

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) - Baz Luhrmann

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Bridal Showered with Blood.

i love my babies...i really truly do. They make me so proud in so many little ways. i would have a million children if when they popped out of my body they ended up 14 years old. i don't like babies and toddlers and kids. They're fucking annoying. Maybe not to a lot of people, but to me they sure the hell are. Teenagers are just so cool to me. Maybe because the i had some of the best times *not THE happiest times, but some of the happiest times anyways* of my life when i was a teenager. My friends were fucking amazing. They really were. i sometimes feel "stuck" at 17. That was the first full blown fun year if my life. Well 16 and a half to 17 and a half was the best is what i really mean. My junior year of high school up to the beginning-middle of senior year. But mostly my junior year..was AAAHHH--MAY-----ZING. So much fun. i just feel so lucky to be able to have so many teenagers in my life. They're so frustrated and angry/upset with things sometimes. It wasn't too, too long ago that i was there too. So i get it when they feel that way. . . the maternal instinct tends to kick in and i hate seeing them suffer at times. But then i realize that it is so necessary to feel that way. It makes them mature and allows them to turn into the kind of adult that they so deserve to be. There is not a day that goes by where i don't have a kid sitting at my desk the second the bell rings to talk to me about life, issues, school, clothes, celebrity gossip, make-up tips, a new outfit, a cool story, a new card trick, homework help, a situation where they need my opinion, a picture of their prom dress, or just the need to shoot the shit with me. i am the anti-adult to them. Because whereas i am an adult - - i am not neccesarily a complete and total adult to them, and for that reason they can vibe with me on a different level than they could with their friends or family. It sounds semi-cheesy but i feel completely blessed to have them in my life. Because they teach me things every single day about life and what it is all about. i have seen so many of them go through all kinds of things. Parents getting shipped off to Afghanistan, puberty, and reaching that 4.3 G.P.A (oh yeah, did i mention that over 90% of them are all geniuses? Most of them have been enrolled in honors classes since the 6th grade.) to name a few. i have seen them mature into adults and have been lucky enough to have them visit me long after they've graduated from high school. i love them all so totally and completely and am so genuinely proud and happy to have them here in my life. i just hope that they know this. Because they tell me frequently how much they love and adore me. i'm just not as good with expressing my feelings. . . . . . . . . . Maybe i should tell them... (?)

_________


On another note Samantha's bridal shower was today. i bought her a bread box and champagne flutes *inside joke*..Needless to say my present was the best, only Jenelle's was close to mine in amazing-ness *she got Sammie a vegetable farm so she can grow her own veggies*. So Adrianna, Jenelle, Samantha, and Rachel *my brother's girlfriend who is ironically enough friends with Sammie and Jenelle...gotta love the small town that we live in* had about a MILLION mimosas. Needless to say we were FUCKED UP..but in a fun girly/giggly way. We then decided to go and hang out with all the boys who were stuck at a boy party during the bridal shower. We bring over a gigantic bottle of champagne, some beer, and a bottle of Bacardi that was all left over from the party. We get to the house and we're walking in a single file line down the sidewalk. Adrianna in front, Jenelle in the middle, and myself in the back. Both Adrianna and Jenelle are wearing flip flops *i scolded them, considering this is still Winter after all* Jenelle gives Adrianna a flat tire *where you step on the back of someones shoe* and Jenelle trips over Adrianna, then as a result of that i trip over Jenelle's sandal and give her a flat tire...so then you have a mass of limbs and bodies on the sidewalk. Seriously it was a complete and total domino effect, like a cartoon. Unfortunately...Jenelle was holding the bottle of Bacardi in her hand and smashed the bottle...but then landed on top of the shards of glass....i landed in the gutter and Adrianna landed in the mud. Jenelle ends up cutting her foot open on her big toe..i mean that shit was sliced open right over the top of her right big toe. i lie to her and tell her it's not that bad so that her drunken self doesn't freak out. But her blood is EVERYWHERE. It reminded me of "Sin City". Because it was so dark outside that everything looked black and white and all you can see against the grey sidewalk is neon infused red blood pouring out EVERYWHERE. We manage to carry Jenelle into the house where we were going and get her in the bathroom. Adrianna is covered in blood on her shirt and my arms and hands are covered in blood. Jenelle is drunk and of course apologizing to everyone, which is so her nature *to be sorry about everything, even if it was completely out of her control* We elevate her leg, clean it out with saline solution, apply pressure, give her a beer so she won't feel any pain; even though it would thin her blood out *we figured she was already smashed..there was no way her blood was gonna not be as thin as water..may as well make it so she can't feel that shit* So we finally decided that she's gonna need stitches. So we take her to Northbay Medical Hospital. Adrianna and i go on a food run because at this point we haven't eaten in hours.... Then we get news that Jenelle has in fact cut open an artery and is in the process of getting x-rayed....UGGHHHH scary. About a half hour wait in the emergency waiting room later a friend of ours who works in the hospital comes and pulls us into the room *so against the rules* i see Jenelle propped up in a bed and there is semi-dried blood EVERYWHERE... all over the walls, floor, bed, sheets, gauze....i mean..seriously..a fucking murder scene. It looked like a giant had her period. Turns out a piece of glass cut open the artery in her big toe and was lodged in there, when they pulled the glass out blood literally was squirting out..Samantha had to wear goggles and she almost passed out. Seven stitches later Jenelle was hobbling out of the E.R. and we are thanking every deity we know for coming to the hospital. We giggled about the fact that this would make for an amazing story in about 5-10 years when we're old and dried up with exciting nights. All i gotta say is that Jenelle knows how to fucking throw a Bridal Shower.

All i wanna know is.....who's comin' with me?

Postsecret Exhibition -
March 1, 2009 through April 19, 2009
Bedford Gallery,
Walnut Creek, CA

Armijo had a show today. We were in exhibition but we stil got scored. We ended up winning, the A Guard anyway. Nothing has ever felt as awesome. NOTHING.


In addition i managed to pay off two of my credit cards completely, my phone bill, plane tickets, another credit card payment, and still got to buy four new cute tops. March will be minutely bleak as far as fun goes, as the funds will be short. But what the hell do i care? I'M FREE MOTHERFUCKER!

my god today was perfect.

Sammie's bridal shower is tomorrow *well today*...MIMOSAS - HOLLA! *don't blame me for talking like that, i teach high schoolers for god's sake...i cannot help but talk like them every once in a while*


YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!

jeaniuhs

i kicked my dad's ass at jeopardy today..

Holy shit...whaaat?! She got an abortion of Christmas Eve????

i haven't posted an entry in here for quite some time. This is much due to the fact that i have had nothing of real importance to discuss. Work is work, life is life, people are well....still being themselves. Truly i feel that the behavior of people these days is nothing that can be unexpected. i've grown quite accustomed to it over the years. i just wonder if this will be the way it always is. i'm sure that i'll be just fine, dealing with people and the situations they are constantly putting themselves into. i have to be fine with it all; because they are and will always be this way. If i cannot accept them and their life choices, how am i ever to be able to call myself their friend? . . and vice versa of course. i just feel at times that the overall novelty of our friendship might have run its course. Maybe we're both too afraid to admit it? In any case of events, i'll be here...just like i always am. On another note - in exactly three months i will be landing in Paris. It still feels like a complete and total unreality *is that even a word?* i can hardly believe that i am going to do this all over again, but as a completely different person and thus making this trip so completely different. i have matured so much in the past three years, it seems unreal to me. i wonder what sort of things i'll run into while i am overseas this time. i think that i may not be so into the shenanigans that i was at 21. The nonstop drinking, the penny pinching *skipping meals so that i could afford to go out drinking*, the partying, the anonymous sex with foreigners who spoke little to no English, the sleeping in, the nights spent in hotel rooms with strangers, the constantly aching liver, the drug induced ephipanies about life, the arguements in French, the complete and total spontaneity in every aspect of living day to day. i'm not so sure that i have that in me anymore..but then again; how am i to ever be able to know these things for sure until i am there? i have become such a homebody over the course of just a year. Friday nights spent at home with a book and a cup of tea have become the norm, and the strangest thing is that i really don't mind. At first it was awful. i always felt compelled to be out during the weekend. But now, i could honestly care less. It doesn't bother me at all to have a seriously toned down version of my past social life. Going out and getting blitzed was something that i did every weekend *and more often than not during the week as well*. i lived like that for years and years, probably since i was 18... and considering that i fucked around most of the time during high school doing the same shit i would probably count those years as well. So let's think about this, i partied nonstop for close to six years. Here's hoping i can pull some shit out for Europe this summer, hah...

So i just got done watching "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" and i positively loved it. i HIGHLY recommend it. i really identified with ScarJo's character. She talks about how she's a nonconformist, spontaneous but unsure of what she wants from life or love. She mentions that she doesn't know what she wants out of life, she only knows what she doesn't want. It was an awesome movie, but i must warn you..do not watch it unless you have some wine. There is so much wine drinking going on *they are in Spain after all* that five minutes in you're gonna be dying for a glass of a nice, tasty dry Cab. i now have an unquenchable desire for some wine..and will be unable to partake in any for some time as i have work to attend to.

On that note i really need to take something up. Something that requires practice and classes. What i really want is to practice my Spanish again..or photography..or a dance class.. something. i'm just feeling really understimulated because of the lack of college right now (the courses i'm enrolled in are late start classes and don't begin for another month). What i really want is the damn Rosetta Stone CD things..but they are sooo expensive and i cannot possibly force myself to spend $400 on them. Ugh. Quite the bind i am finding myself in.

In closing i'd like to post this video.. if you are in fact Catholic and can't take a joke then don't watch it..Otherwise - enjoy.



Here's another little clip of Louis C.K.'s...if you are not aware of his wonderousness then youtube everything of his that you possibly can. He's gonna be in Sacramento at the end of the month and i am going to be there if i have to die trying. Tickets go on sale today at ten in the morning!!!

This is the remix..

Soooo..... somehow i managed to find myself semi-peer pressuring people into buying plane tickets to Europe with me....and have succeeded. Adrianna and Jenelle are coming with me. Holy shit.. Amy, Adrianna, Jenelle, and me in Europe together...i cannot fucking believe this shit.. somebody pinch me...seriously.

Past the point of no return.

Sooo... i JUST bought my plane ticket to Europe. . . i was absolutely terrified to do it. i literally have spent the last four hours pacing back and forth deciding if i should just go ahead and buy it...or wait for everyone else to come through and tell me whether or not they were gonna buy their tickets with me. Buuuuuuut. i have decided that i need to not wait any longer and just go along with it all... So..


EUROPE HERE I COME!!

Short and Sweet - like most of my friends.

So i confess that i love chick flicks. . . and is this not the biggest chick flick to ever happen -ever-? Count me the fuck in..



Ah..almost forgot..went bowling a couple of weeks ago..The theme was STDs..

Serenade

So i've fallen completely in love with Schubert's "Ständchen" ..meaning "Serenade" auf Deutsch.. i bought the sheet music so that one of the four musical genuises that float around Armijo can play it for me while i'm sitting at my desk contemplating life. It is seriously awesome teaching at Armijo and knowing the kids the way that i do. We have four -used to be five before one graduated- kids who are exceptional pianists. It's kind of crazy, they can play ANYTHING and can sight read just about anything on the spot no problem. i even had one incident where i had a Chopin song i wanted them to play, but no sheet music. So he listened to it on my iPod and then was able to learn it. i alwasy tell them that they are the reason that my children will learn the piano when they are young, even if they hate it. In the event you feel like listening to this song here's a youtube video. i wish i could find the string version of it, i like it a bit better.

If everything seems to go wrong... turn around. You're probably facing the wrong way.

Last night was the first night in ten days that i have slept in my own bed. It didn't feel odd or different at all, which slightly bothered me when i turned the lights off. i feel like in a past life that i must have been a nomad of some sort - because i cannot stand the idea of staying in one place for so long. i hate falling into routines that last longer than a year. It drives me crazy. Truly. i have to go and get a second job sometime this week. i've been putting it off for the past month and a half-ish. But now that i'm not going to Solano this semester due to their shaky accreditation i'm going to have a bit more free time. Even though i'm hella mad because i really only needed one more class there. Oh, the dreaded speech class that i have put off until the last possible semester that it can be taken. i spent Christmas break loafing around the house for a few days, and then after Christmas i housesat for my mother. One night i went out drinking and carousing the town with some friends and we went back to my mom's house to hang out for an hour before we all retired to bed. While there i engaged in a semi-drunken conversation talking abouthow bored with life i'd been for the past few months. Hadn't gone anywhere because, well i couldn't *school, work, money, life, age, etc.*. Then Louise said to me, "well, let's go to San Diego tomorrow". At first i dismissed it because it was so spur of the moment, and people don't do that sort of thing at my age anymore. But after some semi-drunken thinking about the whole thing i came up with the thought that it was a fantastic idea, something that i truly needed because of the slump i had found myself in. So after waking up the next day kinda hungover i packed a bag and drove down to SoCal. Spent New Years Eve in Disneyland, another day in San Diego, and then another in Old Town San Diego, and then the next day we drove home. It was sort of amazing. New Years Eve in Disneyland was a fucking blast, they handed out party top hats and horns and the park wasn't even really all that packed considering the 70 degree weather and holiday season. Good god i hope that when i die my ghost makes it to Disneyland. Spending an eternity there would never be enough for me. As a 23 year old woman i can say that Disneyland is still my favorite place in the world to be. On the way back San diego i got a phone call from my mom telling me that while i was gone my sister in law, Elizabeth had a stroke.



i am never going on vacation again.