Someday i'll change me...

t minus three hours until my homework and test must be submitted for my math class...........AHHHHHH!! and oh but of course...i had three weeks to do this work. but no no no. i have to procrastinate. i hate being me! time to put in mozart's requiem and get to work!!!

she wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls...

Spring Break was pretty damn good for me. I did a lot of stuff, *including work for two very, very long days* but i played as well. i went to Sacramento twice. Once to get some free food, another time to go and play at Sutter's Fort (an old haunt of mine and Audra's) and tinker around Old Sac (one of my most favorite places in the world). i went to Fremont, and got sHiiiiTTy at Dave and Busters. i finished reading my book "The Historian" a great novel i would recommend to anyone who digs Historical Fiction pieces. Today i cleaned the hell out of my house and my room..and i am currently procrastinating my math homework that totally needs to get done. i get paid tomorrow. Yes Yes Yes. i am totally gonna go and shoot some guns this week...and then buy some new shoes. Consider me stoked. Here are some pictures from Sac. **Captions are underneath**

1.) Audra and i equate to trouble when left alone in the backseat on long car rides.

2.) i always wonder how Marcus can be such a good sport when he has two very annoying bitches for friends.

3.)This is Patty Reed's doll. Patty Reed was an eight year old girl traveling with the Donner Party. Audra and i read a book about her in the 4th grade.

4.) A bust of John Sutter..Audra's face in the glass appeared very ghostly. i thought it was a rather interesting photo.

5.) The damn goat turned away at the last second...orignally the anus was right next to his mouth. Consider me still butthurt about missing the shot.

6.) Me pretending to be scared in the dungeon of Sutter's Fort.

So after Sutter's Fort we farted around Old Sac and i captured probably my most favorite photo of all time. Which then sparked the mischief-making that Audra and i partook in a few days later (also catalogued via fotografia).

This WILL be framed someday. i'm sure a lot of people won't even know what the hell this is of, and why it's so wonderful. But the chosen few that can understand it will grasp the magnitude of importance this picture has not only to me, but to very many people in this world...and probably many others.

So a couple of days later Audra and i are feeling mischievious and ignored by our dear friend mister mills. We of course find out later that he was very ill..but that is of little importance now being that the deed was already done upon finding out said news. We decide to decorate his car, because well hell..it's always fun to pretend you're young again. i have to block out some things we drew on his car to protect people...but if you're curious about what it really said..just ask me.

1.) It's hard to read because when photos are uploaded their quality turns to shit but it says "JUST MARRIED" and Audra is toasting the car with a "choice beverage"...

2.) Marcus' neighbors were installing a stereo system at one in the morning...They were slightly concerned that our intentions were malicious...so this is one guy coming to "check up on us"

*in case you can't see him, he's in the top left corner*

i wish i had pictures from Fremont..but i "wasn't all there"...i walked into Casey's house and was promptly greeted with two shots of Bacardi 151. i'll use that as an excuse...

Today i cleaned the house, with the aid of my sister. Gracie got a bath..and then when we weren't looking she got into snail poison. Luckily my dad got her to the vet where she recieved an enema. So Gracie-Lou is alright.

i get the distinct feeling that this week is going to be long. i got a lot of shit to be taken care of. Lots of things to finish.

An interview. Two guard shows. Math Homework. A painting. A couple of dinners to attend. A Pleasure Party. Taxes.

i also need a new job. BUH. i hate hate hate summertime.

randomosity.

i have yet to feel the need to come onto the internet to "vent" about anything or to tell any stories, being that my life has been pretty laid back for the past few days. i would be lying if i didn't admit to still being incredibly sad over the failure of the CCGC show. i wonder if the judges have any sort of idea as to how much of an impact they have on people's lives with the results they give. i know it sounds absolutely ridiculous to be this fucked up over something like this..and i'm sure that's what the judges would tell me. Hell, it's what i tell people all the time "...it's just colorguard". Never in the ten years that i have been involved in this activity have results and scores mattered to me quite as much as they have this year. i suppose it has something to do with the fact that i have put so much of myself into this season. So much time, thought, effort..i have lost countless hours of sleep just laying in bed and thinking about what needs to be done to make this show win. Maybe that's where i went wrong, i put TOO much into it and it is as the judges call it "over-written". How heartbreaking. Far too late to do anything about it. So tragic to get a piece of information that if given to me earlier could have changed the outcome completely. Now it's too late and i have to render myself a quasi-failure. i'll do better next year..now that i know.

So i got wasted last night. Completely obliterated. The last time i did that was Theresa's birthday, and the time before that was New Years. It's almost the first of the month. Therefore i have a trend. On the first of every month i have been shit-faced. Hm. Everytime i get drunk it becomes rougher and rougher on me. It takes less and less alcohol to "get me there" and the results are usually a hangover that puts me into complete submission for the span of 15 hours or so. Ugh. Getting shitfaced has completely lost its appeal to me, and there is a part of me that is so sad about that. i find it completely and utterly ridiculous. Almost to the point of laughter.

If you are between the ages of 21 and 29 go and wikipedia a "quarter life crisis". . . Amada first told me about the book she was reading about this. i've been meaning to ask her if i could borrow it. i find that my feelings toward reading it would be something remniscient of Charlotte in the episode "Cover Girl" (Season 5 episode 4) when she needs a "self-help book". . . Hm. Ironically enough, i have Amada to thank for making me a bona-fide obsesser over all things SatC. Buh. May 30th cannot come any sooner.

late night ramblings.

Couldn't be more true.

my horoscope for monday, march 24th..

"Fabulous planetary aspects put you in the driving seat today. Even though it’s only Monday you’re likely to be presented with one or two stunning opportunities to further your career or to boost your reputation. The planets also suggest that a journey or trip looks likely too!"

i need some fun in my life this week. i doubt i'll get around to it. i'm pretty po' so i'm looking for something free, and completely random. Sutters Fort is a HUGE possibility. We'll see

i just stumbled across this picture. this monk taught his one and a half year old chihuahua to "pray"..now if only i could get goo-lien to do anything that cool. we would be in buisness.

all julien is good at is looking cute.

Bleh. You've gotta love insomnia. i have too much shit on my mind to go to sleep right now. Why can't i be normal?

Easter Schmester, we's hates Easter!

So Audra nailed it on the head, i am in love with Paul Rudd. i think i know where it all started from too. i mean, what 12 year old girl didn't melt when they saw him like this in "Clueless"?

but now....he's fucking hot.

seriously...this guy is sexy. and TOTALLY does it for me.

In other news..Armijo had their first CCGC show yesterday. It was like deja vu from my high school days. When Fairfield first went to CCGC we got our asses handed to us for two straight years...and then when i was gone they got spanked for another year..and then they finally started doing okay. It felt odd to tell the kids the same stuff that Jason used to tell us when i was in high school. Very, very deja vu. . . in a bad way. Alright i'm off to do my make-up.

Can someone pass the butter?

*allow me to preface this blog and all other blogs in the future: i have a genuine problem with this blog site. You can't use "Tab" to indent paragraphs. Nor can you use the space bar to do the job..*

i'm still deciding if i want to make this blog known to the world. Part of me knows that if i were to keep it from everyone i could get a real kick out of being completely free with what i have to say. No beating around the bush, no dropping hints, no half-truths. However, i still feel like i would be nervous to do that. How mortifying would that be? To have a complete and total uncensored blog, and to have the wrong person stumble upon it? Eek. i can hardly bear the thought of something that horrendous happening to me. Then again, there is a complete and total rush of knowing that people are listening to what i have to say. Even if they aren't that interested, it's cool to know that they are curious about who i am, and what i think about. Hm...We'll see. i'm sure that this will be made public eventually. Until then...

So i went and played Bingo tonight. i know i know. i was EXTREMELY apprehensive. But then my friend said the magic words.

A.) "i'll pay for you."

and

B.) "you can make fun of the old people!!"

Oh hell yeah; hook, line, and mother fucking sinker. If there is something i truly love in the world, it is being an asshole. i only do it occasionally, and when i am with certain people...a.k.a. people who think like me..

So of course i have a wealth of wonderous stories about my very own adventures in the Vacaville Bingo Hall!

i have spent countless hours in bingo halls. Just about every single organization i have ever been a part of has been sponsored by a bingo program. Therefore, i was FORCED to volunteer my time to sell pull tabs to stinky, grumpy, old people for more hours than i would care to think about. There is always a smoking room, which always reminded me of the opium dens of China. The people who sit in the smoking room have a lethargic feel to them, only increased by the haze of cigarette smoke slowly circling around the room. It is the strangest thing to walk into the non-smoking rooms of bingo halls after coming out of the smoking room. It is THE polar opposite. People are on edge. They are shushing people who are talking in huddled groups over their seven sprawled out bingo sheets. There is a certain buzz of noise, a combination of oxygen tanks and Tagalog that makes just about anyone feel slightly as if they are intruding. Upon walking into the bingo hall my friend had to go to the automated teller machine, unfortunately his words and not mine, to take some cash out. Just as i lean up against the ATM, a man in a 1994 Chicago Bulls puff jacket stumbles over to the vending machine and scans the items. i watch as his eyes focus on the item he wants, i know it is the item he wants because i catch the glimmer in his eyes as he sees whatever it was. But just as the glimmer makes its appearance, it it quickly replaced with a look of complete and utter bitterness. This man was clearly repulsed by whatever it was he saw. Confused, i lean forward to get a better peek at him. He then throws his hands up in exasperation and exclaims at the top of his lungs,

"NINETY CENTS?!?!"

It took all that i had in me not to fall over onto the nasty bingo ground, kick my feet up like a five year old and laugh myself until i urinated. Just when i thought i was okay, i make eye contact with my friend, who is of course also an asshole by nature, and he shoots me the look that i know means "holy fucking shit...i am going to die of laughter." It was over. Without any restraint we burst into fits of giggles. Luckily the man stumbled away from the vending machine, without purchasing the item in question...the price clearly too steep for his blood. i'm probably going to wonder for the rest of my life what it was he wanted.

After the woman at the bingo counter sold us our one sheet and successfully accused my friend of thieving some bingo dabbers, we were off! Four hours of stamping numbers, consuming anything in the world that could be covered in cheese, and countless sexual innuendoes *O-69, anyone?* i was out 20 bucks and had a very gassy tummy. On the way out the door i grasped my aching forehead and vowed to NEVER play Bingo again. A lesson learned. i grumbled to my friend, the asshole, about what a sore loser i am...and about how it was such a bad idea for me to even come to the Bingo Hall in the first place. Just as we're walking out the front door, we open the door for an extremely obese 20-something year old guy attached to a wheezing oxygen tank, being pushed by his mother in a wheelchair. A fat Mexican lady with "Emmanuel" tattood in Olde English on her arm says to the guy "are you alright??" with genuine concern. i scoff at the mere thought of asking a guy, so bad off about his health in a positive fashion. Just when i'm about to start my grumbling i hear my asshole friend mutter "now why in the hell would you ask an extremely obese 20-something year old guy attached to a wheezing oxygen tank, being pushed by his mother in a wheelchair if he is alright?! Of course the motherfucker isn't alright!"

It was at that precise moment that i decided, maybe bingo isn't so bad after all.

Here i go again on my own..

Damn. It has been a hot stinking minute since i last had a blog all of my very own. i've just had damned myspace for the past four and a half years or so, and have used their blog. But i have felt the need to have something different. A change, if you will. i almost don't know where to start. a journal. all to myself. Well i suppose i could just start with one of the main things that have been bothering me for the past few days. So, on Sunday i went to a baby shower. It was fun to see people that i haven't seen in a while. Until i looked around the table and realized to my complete horror...that everyone at the table was either married, engaged, had kids, or was pregnant. EVERYONE. That is except for me and Amy. And she doesn't really count being that she cannot legally marry, and would have to go to a sperm bank to have a kid. But the thought kept popping in my head about what the hell the rush was all about to get hitched, drop calves, and get divorced..Seriously, that does NOT sound like that great of a time to me. Not yet anyway. Don't get me wrong that sounds like THE thing to do in about ehh....three years or so. i had a miniature panic attack sitting at the table mindlessly munching on chips and wondering if the rumors could be true. That i was in fact *gasp* OLD. i have this feeling that women my age (22, almost 23) have been in a hurry to grow up all their lives. We were always told that we could go to college, get careers; or get married and shit out children...it was OUR choice. Either way, we could do whatever we wanted. THE WORLD WAS OURS! Therefore, when we were younger all we could ever think about was, "i can't wait until i can get out of here...i'm gonna be so successful!" We imagined the great college we would go to, the big house we would live in, the beautiful husband we would meet while vacationing in Europe. We were a generation of dreamers. Then we grew up. Reality set in. If you wanted these things, you had to work your ass off for them. Nothing came as easily as we thought they would. For certain people, like myself, this hit at home much harder than others..and we got stuck, out of frustration. Wondering what went wrong and where the hell our mansion was we were promised in MASH RAP we became bitter and cynical. We scoffed at the mere idea of happiness and were much more resigned with the idea of doing whatever the fuck we wanted while not thinking about it all that much. We did this, because it was much easier. To ignore the nowhere our life was headed to. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, boredom sets in. The realization hits that, this is the best you're ever gonna get. You start to think, is this the kind of person I want to be in five years?

i have just come to realize that this rant i have been on for the past few minutes is moreso for me..that is, it pertains more to my life than to anyone else. Regardless of this realization. it is how i feel. Somewhere around September of last year i decided that i absolutley HATED where my life was going and decided to fix that. Instead of just assuming that magic was going to occur and i would wake up one day and be successful, i have taken matters into my own hand. Yes, it totally bothers me at what a late start i'm getting compared to everyone else i know. But i think it may be something i can get over.

i don't really have a choice now, do i?