Triumph of Right

Colin: Dude, i had a dream last night that i had a baby!
Audra: Oh! So you mean you had a nightmare last night that you had a baby..

Precisely.
___

After the events of this past weekend i desperately needed some time to sit and reflect on the show. Instead of considering it a failure, which i could have easily done i have decided that a lot of really good things came from it. i will not get discouraged like i have in the past, and no i am not going to get a giant number three tattooed on my forehead *which i was feeling like i needed to do all weekend long*. i am basically going to do whatever the fuck it takes to have this show wind up successful..

Hopped up on 5-hour Energy

i so cannot get focused to save my life right now. i've been attempting to study for my first geography block exam all weekend. i spent my Saturday night sitting outside of Starbucks studying. It was quite a beautiful moment actually. Adrianna was wearing her Cal sweatshirt, no make-up, with greasy hair. i looked exactly the same except without a Cal sweatshirt on *for obvious reasons*. We had the forlorn look of wear and tear on our faces as we sucked down cup after cup of coffee. Papers and open books are scattered EVERYWHERE on our table and i sat scribbling in my notebook like a mad woman, while Adrianna read feverishly from her book. Right at this moment Megan Bananzadeh and Audra Perry *two of my gorgeous friends* come stomping down the pavement in their Saturday night best. Hair, make-up, and outfits looking immaculate. They were heading to Sacramento to go out. It was the perfect sitcom portrayal of complete polar opposites. What normal people do on a Saturday night compared to what not-normal people do. i couldn't help but laugh at the horrible-ness that is the not having of a social life. i couldn't have a social life right now if i tried my very damndest. i thought it was crazy of me to go and see a movie this Friday night *Burn After Reading* and then afterward get a pitcher of beer at a bar. What have i become?!? Responsible. . . impossible. Not me. Never. i am a complete mess. Everything has flip -flopped. My social life is where my work/school life used to be *disastrous* and my work/school life is where my social life used to be *thriving*. But right now i cannot get focused, my brain is so completely mushy. It can't form sentences, i feel so scattered. i am EVERYWHERE right now and it feels like shit. i find myself thinking about the smallest and most insignificant details that make up the stupidity of daily life. Concerning myself with nothing that matters when i have a paper and a HUGE block exam due at nine o'clock. From wondering if Jenelle is still interesting in going to MOMA with me on Wednesday, to reading a blog someone unimportant posted, to trying to figure out when i can make it out to Home Depot, and conditioning Julien's fur. This blog for example, i'm writing a blog about virtually, nothing. When i SHOULD be brushing up on the divergent, convergent, and transform boundaries which shape the Earth. i cannot focus..


In other news i have a slightly funny story to tell about my father.

So a very long time ago, a couple of years before i was born my father was a mid-western brought up hippy dude who looked an awful lot like Matthew McConaughey. *Seriously, every time i watch Dazed and Confused and see Matteo's character i could die..* The year was 1982. He has just moved in with my mother and they were not quite married yet. The Jehovah's Witnesses were running rampant going door to door trying to convert more Mexicans to their cult. My father was just about sick to death of these old bitty ladies rat a tat tappin' on his door when they came back after he asked them repeatedly not to. So when the ladies came back one
Summer afternoon, he peered through the peep-hole and saw them, he quickly got out of the shorts he was wearing around the house and then opened the door. "Good afternoon ladies!" He stands there stark-naked with a smile from ear to ear with the front door wide open. Needless to say, our home was black-listed for a while. Anyways, fast forward to present day, we are now living in between two Mormon families, and the Jehovahs are no longer seeking more Mexicans. Some Mormat comes pounding on our door, on some rampage trying to get people to NOT vote for Obama. My dad was bored and decided to let this guy talk past his introduction so as to have something to do. After about two minutes, my dad realizes this guy is a complete idiot and decides to try and find out exactly how much of an idiot he was. So they start debating about Obama and McCain until my dad has had enough. My dad then mentions how he's not much of a fan of being told how to think. he tels the Mormon how he was born in Illinois and raised there, and then moved to Missouri and lived there for about ten years before moving out here. He says very slowly so the man will really comprehend, that he still holds a lot of the views that were ingrained in him as a youth in Illinois AND Missouri. At this the Mormon gets very offended and flees the front porch. In the very late 1800s Missouri kicked the Mormons out of their state and they went to Nauvoo, Illinois. Once there their temple was burned down to the ground along with a lot of Mormons themselves. i find this funny because i know my father is a very open-minded kinda guy with a sick sense of humor. He doesn't really hate Mormons, just what they stand for..Therefore, he loves to offend them in any way, shape, or form. Not just cause they're Mormons, he loves offending everyone. i now know where i get it from.

Silk

My beloved...

Do not be afraid.
Do not speak.
Stay as you are. i'm here at your side.
Do you feel me?
When i touch you for the first time...
you will feel the warmth,
but you will not know where.
Perhaps, it will be on your eyes.

Who could ever erase this moment?
There is no end to it,
don't you see?
What we were meant to do, we have done.
Believe me, my love,
we have done it forever.
And if it serves your happiness, do not hesitate for a moment
to forget this woman who
for now
says without a trace of regret...
farewell.