Friday, July 25, 2008
Like an Ostrich with its head in the sand
Am i the only one who despises watching the news these days? i was sitting at my computer just now and the news was on the t.v. All i could hear over and over again was "war, recession, foreclosures, gas prices, all time low, all time high". UGH! i am so the "out of sight, out of mind" type of person, simply because i have problems with worrying. i am a self confessed worry-wart. i have spent many hours laying awake in bed worrying about things that don't have a damn thing to do with me. i have thrown myself into full-blown panic attacks over a million small things that just add up and freak me out. So for the most part i try to ignore the crazy things that i cannot in any way fix. So as i was sitting at my computer i proceeded to jet to the t.v. and change the channel as fast as humanly possible.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The greatest piece of advice i've ever gotten...
"The fastest way to kill love is to decide the person you're seeing is...the One. Why? When you decide the person's the One, you start focusing all your desires on the person, and when you focus all your desires on the person, you lose the tantalizing elusiveness that attracted the person to you in the first place."
In other news -
i still cannot decide if i'm a fan of being unemployed. Maybe i'll take another month to decide. . . On that note i'm going to go and play a computer game and continue my hermiting.
In other news -
i still cannot decide if i'm a fan of being unemployed. Maybe i'll take another month to decide. . . On that note i'm going to go and play a computer game and continue my hermiting.
Monday, July 21, 2008
time can do so much
Ugh. Why does Mia Michaels have to go and do this to me again?
So....Doug Stanhope is coming to San Francisco in November. Expect my ass to be there, hours early so i can sit my happy ass in the front. i want him goin on one of his rants with spit flying out of his mouth and into my drink. i want him mime-ejaculating onto my forehead. Words cannot describe how excited i am to see him live.
On another note - i think my crush on Stephen Colbert has gotten slightly unhealthy. i am looking into some options.
So....Doug Stanhope is coming to San Francisco in November. Expect my ass to be there, hours early so i can sit my happy ass in the front. i want him goin on one of his rants with spit flying out of his mouth and into my drink. i want him mime-ejaculating onto my forehead. Words cannot describe how excited i am to see him live.
On another note - i think my crush on Stephen Colbert has gotten slightly unhealthy. i am looking into some options.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Surely insomnia will be the death of me
Got three hours to kill? Then you can check out this pointless survey i did to kill time before i am capable of finding slumber.
100 Completely Useless Facts About Me!
(1) Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I have no closet doors, I put up these cute ass curtains with a rod, and they absolutely have to be closed.
(2) Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels:
Nope, but i always manage to forget shampoo and conditioner when i stay in hotels so I end up using them.
(3) Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room:
Yeah a few times…the last time I was cock blocked though…please refer to video.
(4) Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Actually, yes…my street sign. Somebody hit it with their car and it was just laying in the street for like an hour. C’mon, who doesn’t want the street sign from the street they grew up on?
(5) Are you eating anything right now?
Just the agua.
(6) Who do you think reads your answers?
Hmm… I have a few leads. Granted, they’re the people that leave me comments and tell me, “so Colin, I was reading your blog the other day and…”
(7) Do you have a calendar in your room?
Yep, an awesome vintage one that the kids bought me for a Christmas present. Pretty soon I hope to replace it with a half naked Mormon man one.
(8) Where are you:
In my residence.
(9) What's your plan for the day?
Thursday? Sitting in my room reading, watching T.V. *SYTYCD*, eating nothing and drinking lots of water…unemployment provides all of these “wonderful” opportunities. Seriously, is it August yet?
(10) Are you reading any books right now?
Yeah I’m reading three at the moment. “The Memoirs of Cleopatra”, “I Am America (AND SO CAN YOU!)”, and “The Secret Lives of Men and Women”. Cleopatra and Antony are about to engage in a naval battle with Rome…and I know where the story goes from there…and not into a happy place. Unfortunately, I’ve grown extremely attached to Antony. Therefore, I’ve been putting off finishing the last 300 pages.
(11) Is it cold out?
No, just windy.
(12) Do you ever count your steps when you walk:
All of the damn time. I once read when I was a little girl that in the old days it was believed that vampires were obsessive with counting things. So to ward off vampires from coming into people’s homes they would place beans in a row so that the vampires would have to stop and count them all deep into the night until the sun rose. I always believed that I was like a vampire in that I am obsessive with counting my steps. Wow, that was a very strange tangent to go on………………………..
(13) Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yep. I used to camping a whole lot when I was little.
(14) Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Oh god. Do you know who I am?! I basically get paid to dance to no music that’s audibly playing, save for the music in my head. I spend hours dancing to the music in my head, figuring out what would look best next.
(15) Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Ugh. Sick!
(16) How many people have you slept with this week:?
Just Julien. Yes, I count him as a person.
(17) Favorite place to buy make-up?
The M.A.C. make-up counter.. But only if I have loads of cash and a full face of make-up on when I go.
(18) What is your "Song of the week"?
Cibo Matto’s “Sugar Water”
(19) Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Only if you take it in the butt. Then by all means, queen it out in your pink.
(20) Do you still watch cartoons?
Ren and Stimpy *had to own all of those the second they released them*, Family Guy *own them all too*. I like that new one too, Drawn Together.
(21) Whats your favorite love movie?
Duh, “The Notebook”. Before that was “When Harry Met Sally”.
(22) Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
In my grandma’s backyard…next to all the dead dogs and cats. She’s lived in that house for something like 50 years, and if you know my grandmother you can imagine what sort of critters you would unearth there.
(23) What do you drink with dinner?
Water. I’m not a huge fan of drinking with food. I do like to drink before dinner though. Usually a glass of wine. I’ve become quite fond of the margarita in restaurants lately.
(24) What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in?
Ranch. Unless they’re McDonalds chicken nuggets and then it’s gotta be sweet and sour.
(25) What is your favorite food/cuisine?
Mexican. But Thai and East Indian are getting up there!
(26) What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
“Closer”, “Shawshank Redemption”, and “Zoolander”
(27) Last person you hugged/kissed?
Probably Tiki.
(28) Were you ever a boy/girl scout:?
Ugh. No way man.
(29) Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Sure.
(30) When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper:?
Oh god. Probably when Theresa was in the service. I used to write her these hilarious accounts of scenarios at my job. She thought one was so funny she sent it back to me when we were feuding so that I could keep it for my records. Maybe I’ll find it and post it in here. I definitely think I’ve lost a lot of my wit in my old age.
(31) Can you change the oil in a car?
Buh. I wish I could.
I am totally screwed when it comes to anything mechanical.
*insert laugh here*
(32) Ever gotten a speeding ticket:?
No suh!
(33) Run out of gas?
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. A few times.
(34) Favorite kind of sandwich?
Turkey, havarti cheese, mayonnaise, mustard…that’s it! On a white, soft roll.
(35) Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Eggs over medium and potatoes.. smothered in ketchup. I know I know, I get so much shit for that.
(36) What is your usual bedtime:
Do I have to answer? Honestly, probably around three a.m.
(37) Are you lazy?
Yep. I’ll make an attempt to fix that…tomorrow.
(38) When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween:
Probably me favorite costume was when I was about nine, I was a dead bride. What can I say? My mother and I are very morbid people.
(39) How many languages do you know:
I can make do in three languages other than English. I got Spanish, French, and German. What’s funny about this is that I just randomly picked up French. I studied Spanish for years and years.. and then I took German for a bit. I like to be educated in words.
(40) Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Yes, Sports Illustrated and National Geographic.
(41) Which are better, Lego’s or Lincoln logs:
Legos. Although honestly, I could give two shits.
(42) Are you stubborn:
I like to think that I’m a very laid back person who is adaptable to change.
(43) Who is better...Leno or Letterman:
Letterman, he’s more of an asshole. I like that in a human being.
(44) Ever watch soap operas?
Only when I’m at Jenelle and Tiki’s.
(45) Afraid of heights:
Nope. Unless I’m in an airplane. You should see me. When I’m up there I would give my firstborn to get the fuck down from there.
(46) Sing in the car:
Hell yes. Deal with it.
(47) Dance in the shower:
Uh huh. But not too often. My mother gave me a complex that I’m going to slip, fall, and crack my head open if I fart around in the shower too much. I always get the image of the blood pouring out of my head and being diluted by the water as it goes down the drain. My naked body will lay tangled up in the shower curtain, half in and half out of the tub when the firemen break the door down to try to save me.
(48) Dance in the car:
Not so much. I don’t mind being a douche, so long as people can’t see me being a douche.
(49) Ever used a gun?
Actually, no. it has been on my to do list for quite some time too.
(50) Do you think musicals are cheesy:
The gay man inside of my body thinks that they are just fabulous.
(51) Is Christmas stressful?
BUH. Not stressful, but Christmas time *does* blow balls.
(52) Ever eat a pirogi?:
Actually, yes. I have some in my freezer at this very second. They’re a Russian dumpling and they look exactly like a potsticker. They are filled with all kinds of shit depending on the type you try. The ones in my freezer are filled with potatoes, go figure.
(53) Favorite type of fruit pie?
Banana Cream Pie is the shit. Any other fruit filled pie will drive me to vomit.
(54) Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid:
Either an Archaeologist, Egyptologist, or a Paleontologist.
(55) Do you believe in ghosts:?
Sometimes. Depends on the day.
(56) Ever have a deja-vu feeling:?
Yeah, for some reason I get them mostly when I’m hungover. Hah. What do you suppose that means?
(57) Take a vitamin daily:
Uh huh. I'm terrified of the prospect of being a fifty year old woman with bones disintegrating into powdered milk.
(58) Wear slippers:
Oh man. Slippers are the fucking best, I have five pairs.
(59) Wear a bath robe:
No!! Yet another thing that has been on my to do list for a long ass time. Walking around kinda naked, but not all the way naked sounds like the coolest thing -ever-.
(60) What do you wear to bed:
pajama pants with a t-shirt.
(61) Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart
Target. I’ll pay the extra fifty cents on tampons any day.
(62) Nike or Adidas:
Nikes. They’re actually the only pair of real shoes I own.
(63) Cheetos Or Fritos:
Cheetos. But every once in a blue moon I’ll get a hankerin’ for some chili cheese Fritos with some cream cheese. It has to be the fattest fucking thing imaginable.
(64) Peanuts or Sunflower seeds:
Sunflower seeds, preferably ranch. There is something truly therapeutic about sunflower seeds for me.
(65) Ever hear of, "gorp"?
No, but sounds like something I want NO part in. --Seriously, doesn’t that just sound completely fishy?
(66) Ever taken dance lessons:?
Countless and countless hours have been spent taking dance lessons in my life. They provide the best fucking feeling in the world too.
(67) Ever kissed someone of the same sex:
Yeah, honestly..what chick hasn’t?
(68) Can you curl your tongue:
Like a taco? Or an oyster? Either way, I can do both. I sure as hell had to check though.
(69) Have you ever cried because you were so happy:
No. But I always try to so that people will understand just how happy they may have made me. It never happens though. Things just never really get to people unless there are tears involved. People always wanna see the tears, and I ain’t got none.
(70) Own any record albums:
Tons. They were given to me though. I probably have somewhere around 200 spanning all the great music from the 60s to the 80s.
(71) Own a record player:
NO! but consider that added to my to do list. I wonder how much they go for on eBay.
(72) Regularly burn incense:
No, but I think incense rocks. The 12 year old in me misses incense.
(73) Ever been in love:
No suh.
(74) Hot tea or cold tea:
Hot green tea. Cold black cinnamon tea.
(75) Tea or coffee:
Hm. Depends on what I need. When I’m stressed or home I am all the fuck over some tea. When I am either at school or going to school, or doing homework I always want coffee.
(76) Favorite kind of cookie:?
Chocolate Chip, preferably with little to no chocolate.
(77) Can you swim well:?
Yes, and I am quite proud of that too. When I was fourteen I got caught stealing, so my mom grounded me for my whole freshman year. You can imagine what that would have done to my very fragile social life at that time. So I had to think fast and smart. I did just that! I joined the swim team cause all of my other new friends were joining the swim team. One problem - I had NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO SWIM. I was all too brilliant, my mother had no clue whatsoever to my ploy… Riiiight.
(78) Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose:
Yeah.
(79) Are you patient?
Yes, and very patient at that.
(80) DJ or band, at a wedding:
DJ. There is nothing better than cheesy ass party songs.
(81) Ever won a contest:?
I can honestly say that I have never won anything in my whole life. Hah. That sounded way more depressing than it really is.
(82) Ever had plastic surgery?
No, but I am looking into certain options for a someday.
(83) Which are better black or green olives:
Green olives are the shit. When I was bartending the best thing in the world was making myself a cherry coke with the grenadine and coca cola and eating green olives with it. The two incredible extremes of the super sweet and the super salty were delicious. It used to gross the fuck out of everyone in the bar.
(84) Can you knit or crochet:
Nope.
(85) Wash room or bathroom:
Water Closet. No, only kidding. Bathroom.
(86) Do you want to get married?
At this point in my life not so much.
(87) Who was your HS crush:
Oh god, the better question would be who wasn’t my high school crush. I was in love with everybody back then. They always had nicknames too.
(88) Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way:
When I’m drunk I will throw the biggest fit you will ever see. It is honestly re-god-damn-diculous.
(89) Do you have kids?
Not that I know of.
(90) Do you want kids?
Not that I know of. Hah!
(91) What’s your favorite color:?
Black, pink, and teal.
(92) Do you miss anyone right now:
Uh huh. Theresa, Charlie, and Casey.
(93) Who do you wanna see right now:
Really, no one. I am liking the whole lone wolf thing I got goin on here.
(94) What is your Dream job?
Refer to question # 54.
(95) Rainy days or sunny days?
I hate the rain so much it hurts. Nothing sucks more than having the back bottom part of your jeans wet. So yes, sunny days.
(96) NBC,FOX,ABC,or CBS?
Eh. FOX, but only because of SYTYCD. Other then that I could care less.
(97)Tigger or Pooh?
BUH! Tigger is an annoying bastard who ruins EVERYTHING! He is always the damn shit starter. So by default, Pooh. But he sucks too. Piglet can’t get a word out, and Owl is a damned know it all pervert who hangs out with all the much younger animals. Eeyore has a number of anxiety disorders that any amount of pills could never fix (not to mention that little tid bit about his tail falling off, but I won’t get into that). Roo is a little brat that needs to stop being so spoiled, get out of his mother’s pouch and grow up. And Kanga is clearly a lesbian. Christopher Robin was kinda cool I guess.
(98) Alvin,Simon, or Theadore?
Whichever the fat one was. I hated his hair though, it made him look dumpier than he was.
(99) Romance or straight to the point?
Romance please.
100) Happy or rich?
I didn’t know they were two different things (?).
100 Completely Useless Facts About Me!
(1) Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I have no closet doors, I put up these cute ass curtains with a rod, and they absolutely have to be closed.
(2) Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels:
Nope, but i always manage to forget shampoo and conditioner when i stay in hotels so I end up using them.
(3) Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room:
Yeah a few times…the last time I was cock blocked though…please refer to video.
(4) Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Actually, yes…my street sign. Somebody hit it with their car and it was just laying in the street for like an hour. C’mon, who doesn’t want the street sign from the street they grew up on?
(5) Are you eating anything right now?
Just the agua.
(6) Who do you think reads your answers?
Hmm… I have a few leads. Granted, they’re the people that leave me comments and tell me, “so Colin, I was reading your blog the other day and…”
(7) Do you have a calendar in your room?
Yep, an awesome vintage one that the kids bought me for a Christmas present. Pretty soon I hope to replace it with a half naked Mormon man one.
(8) Where are you:
In my residence.
(9) What's your plan for the day?
Thursday? Sitting in my room reading, watching T.V. *SYTYCD*, eating nothing and drinking lots of water…unemployment provides all of these “wonderful” opportunities. Seriously, is it August yet?
(10) Are you reading any books right now?
Yeah I’m reading three at the moment. “The Memoirs of Cleopatra”, “I Am America (AND SO CAN YOU!)”, and “The Secret Lives of Men and Women”. Cleopatra and Antony are about to engage in a naval battle with Rome…and I know where the story goes from there…and not into a happy place. Unfortunately, I’ve grown extremely attached to Antony. Therefore, I’ve been putting off finishing the last 300 pages.
(11) Is it cold out?
No, just windy.
(12) Do you ever count your steps when you walk:
All of the damn time. I once read when I was a little girl that in the old days it was believed that vampires were obsessive with counting things. So to ward off vampires from coming into people’s homes they would place beans in a row so that the vampires would have to stop and count them all deep into the night until the sun rose. I always believed that I was like a vampire in that I am obsessive with counting my steps. Wow, that was a very strange tangent to go on………………………..
(13) Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yep. I used to camping a whole lot when I was little.
(14) Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Oh god. Do you know who I am?! I basically get paid to dance to no music that’s audibly playing, save for the music in my head. I spend hours dancing to the music in my head, figuring out what would look best next.
(15) Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Ugh. Sick!
(16) How many people have you slept with this week:?
Just Julien. Yes, I count him as a person.
(17) Favorite place to buy make-up?
The M.A.C. make-up counter.. But only if I have loads of cash and a full face of make-up on when I go.
(18) What is your "Song of the week"?
Cibo Matto’s “Sugar Water”
(19) Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Only if you take it in the butt. Then by all means, queen it out in your pink.
(20) Do you still watch cartoons?
Ren and Stimpy *had to own all of those the second they released them*, Family Guy *own them all too*. I like that new one too, Drawn Together.
(21) Whats your favorite love movie?
Duh, “The Notebook”. Before that was “When Harry Met Sally”.
(22) Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
In my grandma’s backyard…next to all the dead dogs and cats. She’s lived in that house for something like 50 years, and if you know my grandmother you can imagine what sort of critters you would unearth there.
(23) What do you drink with dinner?
Water. I’m not a huge fan of drinking with food. I do like to drink before dinner though. Usually a glass of wine. I’ve become quite fond of the margarita in restaurants lately.
(24) What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in?
Ranch. Unless they’re McDonalds chicken nuggets and then it’s gotta be sweet and sour.
(25) What is your favorite food/cuisine?
Mexican. But Thai and East Indian are getting up there!
(26) What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
“Closer”, “Shawshank Redemption”, and “Zoolander”
(27) Last person you hugged/kissed?
Probably Tiki.
(28) Were you ever a boy/girl scout:?
Ugh. No way man.
(29) Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Sure.
(30) When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper:?
Oh god. Probably when Theresa was in the service. I used to write her these hilarious accounts of scenarios at my job. She thought one was so funny she sent it back to me when we were feuding so that I could keep it for my records. Maybe I’ll find it and post it in here. I definitely think I’ve lost a lot of my wit in my old age.
(31) Can you change the oil in a car?
Buh. I wish I could.
I am totally screwed when it comes to anything mechanical.
*insert laugh here*
(32) Ever gotten a speeding ticket:?
No suh!
(33) Run out of gas?
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. A few times.
(34) Favorite kind of sandwich?
Turkey, havarti cheese, mayonnaise, mustard…that’s it! On a white, soft roll.
(35) Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Eggs over medium and potatoes.. smothered in ketchup. I know I know, I get so much shit for that.
(36) What is your usual bedtime:
Do I have to answer? Honestly, probably around three a.m.
(37) Are you lazy?
Yep. I’ll make an attempt to fix that…tomorrow.
(38) When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween:
Probably me favorite costume was when I was about nine, I was a dead bride. What can I say? My mother and I are very morbid people.
(39) How many languages do you know:
I can make do in three languages other than English. I got Spanish, French, and German. What’s funny about this is that I just randomly picked up French. I studied Spanish for years and years.. and then I took German for a bit. I like to be educated in words.
(40) Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Yes, Sports Illustrated and National Geographic.
(41) Which are better, Lego’s or Lincoln logs:
Legos. Although honestly, I could give two shits.
(42) Are you stubborn:
I like to think that I’m a very laid back person who is adaptable to change.
(43) Who is better...Leno or Letterman:
Letterman, he’s more of an asshole. I like that in a human being.
(44) Ever watch soap operas?
Only when I’m at Jenelle and Tiki’s.
(45) Afraid of heights:
Nope. Unless I’m in an airplane. You should see me. When I’m up there I would give my firstborn to get the fuck down from there.
(46) Sing in the car:
Hell yes. Deal with it.
(47) Dance in the shower:
Uh huh. But not too often. My mother gave me a complex that I’m going to slip, fall, and crack my head open if I fart around in the shower too much. I always get the image of the blood pouring out of my head and being diluted by the water as it goes down the drain. My naked body will lay tangled up in the shower curtain, half in and half out of the tub when the firemen break the door down to try to save me.
(48) Dance in the car:
Not so much. I don’t mind being a douche, so long as people can’t see me being a douche.
(49) Ever used a gun?
Actually, no. it has been on my to do list for quite some time too.
(50) Do you think musicals are cheesy:
The gay man inside of my body thinks that they are just fabulous.
(51) Is Christmas stressful?
BUH. Not stressful, but Christmas time *does* blow balls.
(52) Ever eat a pirogi?:
Actually, yes. I have some in my freezer at this very second. They’re a Russian dumpling and they look exactly like a potsticker. They are filled with all kinds of shit depending on the type you try. The ones in my freezer are filled with potatoes, go figure.
(53) Favorite type of fruit pie?
Banana Cream Pie is the shit. Any other fruit filled pie will drive me to vomit.
(54) Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid:
Either an Archaeologist, Egyptologist, or a Paleontologist.
(55) Do you believe in ghosts:?
Sometimes. Depends on the day.
(56) Ever have a deja-vu feeling:?
Yeah, for some reason I get them mostly when I’m hungover. Hah. What do you suppose that means?
(57) Take a vitamin daily:
Uh huh. I'm terrified of the prospect of being a fifty year old woman with bones disintegrating into powdered milk.
(58) Wear slippers:
Oh man. Slippers are the fucking best, I have five pairs.
(59) Wear a bath robe:
No!! Yet another thing that has been on my to do list for a long ass time. Walking around kinda naked, but not all the way naked sounds like the coolest thing -ever-.
(60) What do you wear to bed:
pajama pants with a t-shirt.
(61) Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart
Target. I’ll pay the extra fifty cents on tampons any day.
(62) Nike or Adidas:
Nikes. They’re actually the only pair of real shoes I own.
(63) Cheetos Or Fritos:
Cheetos. But every once in a blue moon I’ll get a hankerin’ for some chili cheese Fritos with some cream cheese. It has to be the fattest fucking thing imaginable.
(64) Peanuts or Sunflower seeds:
Sunflower seeds, preferably ranch. There is something truly therapeutic about sunflower seeds for me.
(65) Ever hear of, "gorp"?
No, but sounds like something I want NO part in. --Seriously, doesn’t that just sound completely fishy?
(66) Ever taken dance lessons:?
Countless and countless hours have been spent taking dance lessons in my life. They provide the best fucking feeling in the world too.
(67) Ever kissed someone of the same sex:
Yeah, honestly..what chick hasn’t?
(68) Can you curl your tongue:
Like a taco? Or an oyster? Either way, I can do both. I sure as hell had to check though.
(69) Have you ever cried because you were so happy:
No. But I always try to so that people will understand just how happy they may have made me. It never happens though. Things just never really get to people unless there are tears involved. People always wanna see the tears, and I ain’t got none.
(70) Own any record albums:
Tons. They were given to me though. I probably have somewhere around 200 spanning all the great music from the 60s to the 80s.
(71) Own a record player:
NO! but consider that added to my to do list. I wonder how much they go for on eBay.
(72) Regularly burn incense:
No, but I think incense rocks. The 12 year old in me misses incense.
(73) Ever been in love:
No suh.
(74) Hot tea or cold tea:
Hot green tea. Cold black cinnamon tea.
(75) Tea or coffee:
Hm. Depends on what I need. When I’m stressed or home I am all the fuck over some tea. When I am either at school or going to school, or doing homework I always want coffee.
(76) Favorite kind of cookie:?
Chocolate Chip, preferably with little to no chocolate.
(77) Can you swim well:?
Yes, and I am quite proud of that too. When I was fourteen I got caught stealing, so my mom grounded me for my whole freshman year. You can imagine what that would have done to my very fragile social life at that time. So I had to think fast and smart. I did just that! I joined the swim team cause all of my other new friends were joining the swim team. One problem - I had NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO SWIM. I was all too brilliant, my mother had no clue whatsoever to my ploy… Riiiight.
(78) Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose:
Yeah.
(79) Are you patient?
Yes, and very patient at that.
(80) DJ or band, at a wedding:
DJ. There is nothing better than cheesy ass party songs.
(81) Ever won a contest:?
I can honestly say that I have never won anything in my whole life. Hah. That sounded way more depressing than it really is.
(82) Ever had plastic surgery?
No, but I am looking into certain options for a someday.
(83) Which are better black or green olives:
Green olives are the shit. When I was bartending the best thing in the world was making myself a cherry coke with the grenadine and coca cola and eating green olives with it. The two incredible extremes of the super sweet and the super salty were delicious. It used to gross the fuck out of everyone in the bar.
(84) Can you knit or crochet:
Nope.
(85) Wash room or bathroom:
Water Closet. No, only kidding. Bathroom.
(86) Do you want to get married?
At this point in my life not so much.
(87) Who was your HS crush:
Oh god, the better question would be who wasn’t my high school crush. I was in love with everybody back then. They always had nicknames too.
(88) Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way:
When I’m drunk I will throw the biggest fit you will ever see. It is honestly re-god-damn-diculous.
(89) Do you have kids?
Not that I know of.
(90) Do you want kids?
Not that I know of. Hah!
(91) What’s your favorite color:?
Black, pink, and teal.
(92) Do you miss anyone right now:
Uh huh. Theresa, Charlie, and Casey.
(93) Who do you wanna see right now:
Really, no one. I am liking the whole lone wolf thing I got goin on here.
(94) What is your Dream job?
Refer to question # 54.
(95) Rainy days or sunny days?
I hate the rain so much it hurts. Nothing sucks more than having the back bottom part of your jeans wet. So yes, sunny days.
(96) NBC,FOX,ABC,or CBS?
Eh. FOX, but only because of SYTYCD. Other then that I could care less.
(97)Tigger or Pooh?
BUH! Tigger is an annoying bastard who ruins EVERYTHING! He is always the damn shit starter. So by default, Pooh. But he sucks too. Piglet can’t get a word out, and Owl is a damned know it all pervert who hangs out with all the much younger animals. Eeyore has a number of anxiety disorders that any amount of pills could never fix (not to mention that little tid bit about his tail falling off, but I won’t get into that). Roo is a little brat that needs to stop being so spoiled, get out of his mother’s pouch and grow up. And Kanga is clearly a lesbian. Christopher Robin was kinda cool I guess.
(98) Alvin,Simon, or Theadore?
Whichever the fat one was. I hated his hair though, it made him look dumpier than he was.
(99) Romance or straight to the point?
Romance please.
100) Happy or rich?
I didn’t know they were two different things (?).
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
imma needa changa undawear
So for this whole season of So You Think You Can Dance i have found myself pretty much disappointed with both the choreography and the caliber of contestants...until tonight. Jeasous Christ on a cross. i was completely blown away by so many of the routines this evening...i thought i was gonna shit my pants hearing that there was going to be a pas de deux performed on the show that night *i begged every deity in the book that it would be performed by katee and will....luckily one of them loved me and it was*.... and then a beautiful contemporary piece was performed by Gev *a breakdancer* and Chelsie *a Latin/Ballroom dancer*...
Missionary Position
So, i know what i want for my Christmas present this year. i want a calendar. But not just any calendar.. i want this calendar. It's a mormon calendar. Twelve fine ass guys who are former Mormon missionaries *as in they already completed their missions and are living their lives as mormats* agreed to pose topless for the calendar *it of course donates hella of the money to charity*. The 2009 calendar is released on September 1, 2008... So hop to it bitches!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
your sins are the most interesting things about you
Someone who was like a big brother to me put a pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger last night..i fucking hate the illness that is sadness.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
fucked up off some vodka and antibiotics
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
are these two women not THE drunkest bitches you have ever seen in your life?! Hair...everywhere....bra strap around the shoulder. Slurring the lyrics of a cheesy country song...stumbling past a cop, and not caring. Yes..oh yes...it's me and Audra at like three in the a.m. in Reno. Prepare yourselves, bitches.
are these two women not THE drunkest bitches you have ever seen in your life?! Hair...everywhere....bra strap around the shoulder. Slurring the lyrics of a cheesy country song...stumbling past a cop, and not caring. Yes..oh yes...it's me and Audra at like three in the a.m. in Reno. Prepare yourselves, bitches.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
"It's like god is feeling me up!" - Audra
i always wonder what it is about my friends and myself that keeps people wanting more. Then i stumble across random gems like this, that quickly remind me. We are all full of wit and charm. This, mes frères is yet another video from Reno. It includes a gentleman. His name was...damn...what was this guys name? i think it was something white and generic a la Dave, or John. Eh well. He was an Australian Triathlete that we met and befriended. He was a really, really nice and cool guy. He fell head over heels for Audra's timeless charm, honed after years and years of practice.
Friday, July 4, 2008
George
George is a Scottish bartender in Reno. Last year when we all *there were seven of us in toto* in Reno for mine and Jenelle's birthday we were at a bar called Drinx and he was bartending there. i was belligerently drunk at that point and paying George five bucks to scream "Freedom!" like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. i made that guy yell "freedom" at least thirty times. He gave me a million and one *free* top shelf cosmopolitans and needless to say, a crush was born. So this year you can understand the sheer giddiness i had when walking up to Drinx the first night in Reno and seeing George tending the bar. i re-introduced myself as "the drunk bitch who kept paying you to scream 'freedom'". He, of course, completely remembered me. He gave me a hug and yes, two kisses on each cheek and a cosmopolitan was ordered for me, and a dirty martini for Jenelle. Two cosmos later and three martinis later Jenelle and i asked him to do it one more time....for old times sake if you will...This is what ensued..
Aahh.....It is love..
Aahh.....It is love..
Thursday, July 3, 2008
poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another
Summarization of Reno -
vodka, bud/coors light, more vodka, some red bull, vodka, carrying jenelle's passed out body around casinos, cosmopolitans *which contain lotsa vodka*, an Australian triathlete, peeing with the door open, a rum and coke for good measure, a lap dance from the hottest chick ever, peeing my pants from laughing, being a nice lady, kamikaze shots from W.C., Mustafa fondling Jenelle, green olives, free beer, launching Jenelle's limp body onto the tram, Audra getting hit on by a guy with *THE* largest nose i have ever seen in my life, buckets of Corona, Jenelle hitting her head on things about 7.8 times, shots of rum straight outta the bottle to get rid of the hangover, millions of cowboy hats, taking antibiotics with a beer, dancing on a dancefloor while it's raining glass, getting two rude ass cowboys escorted out of the casino, a couple of vodka crans *so the cran could hydrate me*, stumbling down the hallways with audra arguing over who was the nicer lady, Jenelle cockblocking and Zoltar predicting it!..and messages from Mustafa to a passed out Jenelle -
Seee...i told you Zoltar predicted the cockblock of the century - -
As we were checking out of out hotel i was going up an escalator and was reminded of a memory from about four years ago.
So this story is set back when i was involved with the San Jose Raiders World guard. During my rookie year i was at one of the infamous Raider parties that i had been hearing about since i was 15. Of course i had always heard about the craziness that went on at those things, for the longest time i assumed that they were all highly exaggerated..But as time passed on and stories would be told to me by the Vets i quickly got into the know that these fuckers knew how to party. Awesome. i was young and totally wanted to prove myself. i had a young liver and a passion for tequila at the time. So at my first Raider party i bought a bottle of tequila *Jose Cuervo Gold to be exact*. It was probably somewhere around 1 a.m. and i was sitting in a circle with the gorgeous women that i aspired to be like for the past five years and was in complete awe that i was befriending my idols. i absentmindedly took swigs straight out of my bottle with no chaser as i chatted along with the conversations. After about twenty minutes of this one of the most outspoken women i have ever come to know squawked at me "Okay! i can't watch you do that anymore..My gag reflex is in high fucking gear right now." Confused and butthurt i furrowed my eyebrows and figured i had been doing something completely disgusing in my drunken stupor and hadn't realized it. Seeing that i was completely oblivious to what was grossing her out she apologetically gestured toward the bottle of tequila in my hand. "Sorry Colin, it's just that in my old age i cannot even fathom drinking tequila like that anymore.." i raised an eyebrow and was barely capable of stammering out "--but.....you're only 23.." She and her friends threw their heads back and giggled, she patted my on my poofy, untamed curly head and simply said with a smile "you'll understand when you're my age".
As i was standing on the escalator, feeling like a steaming pile of shit...complete with the "wong, wong, wong" noise pounding in my head, the hot and cold sweats, the dizziness, the nausea, the sore -everything- the only thought that kept popping into my now 23 year old brain was "i am getting too fucking old for this.." i Now completely understand where she was coming from, and for the record...i can't touch tequila anymore unless it is heavily covered up with triple sec, sweet and sour, salt, and hella limes.
vodka, bud/coors light, more vodka, some red bull, vodka, carrying jenelle's passed out body around casinos, cosmopolitans *which contain lotsa vodka*, an Australian triathlete, peeing with the door open, a rum and coke for good measure, a lap dance from the hottest chick ever, peeing my pants from laughing, being a nice lady, kamikaze shots from W.C., Mustafa fondling Jenelle, green olives, free beer, launching Jenelle's limp body onto the tram, Audra getting hit on by a guy with *THE* largest nose i have ever seen in my life, buckets of Corona, Jenelle hitting her head on things about 7.8 times, shots of rum straight outta the bottle to get rid of the hangover, millions of cowboy hats, taking antibiotics with a beer, dancing on a dancefloor while it's raining glass, getting two rude ass cowboys escorted out of the casino, a couple of vodka crans *so the cran could hydrate me*, stumbling down the hallways with audra arguing over who was the nicer lady, Jenelle cockblocking and Zoltar predicting it!..and messages from Mustafa to a passed out Jenelle -
Seee...i told you Zoltar predicted the cockblock of the century - -
As we were checking out of out hotel i was going up an escalator and was reminded of a memory from about four years ago.
So this story is set back when i was involved with the San Jose Raiders World guard. During my rookie year i was at one of the infamous Raider parties that i had been hearing about since i was 15. Of course i had always heard about the craziness that went on at those things, for the longest time i assumed that they were all highly exaggerated..But as time passed on and stories would be told to me by the Vets i quickly got into the know that these fuckers knew how to party. Awesome. i was young and totally wanted to prove myself. i had a young liver and a passion for tequila at the time. So at my first Raider party i bought a bottle of tequila *Jose Cuervo Gold to be exact*. It was probably somewhere around 1 a.m. and i was sitting in a circle with the gorgeous women that i aspired to be like for the past five years and was in complete awe that i was befriending my idols. i absentmindedly took swigs straight out of my bottle with no chaser as i chatted along with the conversations. After about twenty minutes of this one of the most outspoken women i have ever come to know squawked at me "Okay! i can't watch you do that anymore..My gag reflex is in high fucking gear right now." Confused and butthurt i furrowed my eyebrows and figured i had been doing something completely disgusing in my drunken stupor and hadn't realized it. Seeing that i was completely oblivious to what was grossing her out she apologetically gestured toward the bottle of tequila in my hand. "Sorry Colin, it's just that in my old age i cannot even fathom drinking tequila like that anymore.." i raised an eyebrow and was barely capable of stammering out "--but.....you're only 23.." She and her friends threw their heads back and giggled, she patted my on my poofy, untamed curly head and simply said with a smile "you'll understand when you're my age".
As i was standing on the escalator, feeling like a steaming pile of shit...complete with the "wong, wong, wong" noise pounding in my head, the hot and cold sweats, the dizziness, the nausea, the sore -everything- the only thought that kept popping into my now 23 year old brain was "i am getting too fucking old for this.." i Now completely understand where she was coming from, and for the record...i can't touch tequila anymore unless it is heavily covered up with triple sec, sweet and sour, salt, and hella limes.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Romeo and Juliet are together in eternity.
If i ever find a genie in a lamp, the first thing i am wishing for is to be able to play the Violin like Midori. She is so badass that she simply goes by her first name, Midori. She once played at Tanglewood when she was 14 years old. She broke her E-string twice and had to borrow violins from the concertmaster and associate concertmaster. The bitch had the legendary Leonard Bernstein, who was conducting that night, kneeling before her in awe. Not just because she was 14 either..but because she was amazing. Here's a video clip of her playing in Carnegie Hall..playing one of my all time favorite classical pieces. Chopin's "Nocturne in C Sharp Minor". The video quality is shitty, but the other video of her in Carnegie Hall has shittier sound. So just don't watch the video, but listen.
Now, i've always been a huge Journey and Queen fan. i was raised on that shit..and to this day i love it to pieces. So with the depature of stinky ass Steve Perry, for reals...that guy had a HORRIBLE odor, and with the death of my beloved Freddie Mercury i had to be happy with their old stuff. But not now..Journey got a new singer and i think he sounds better than Stinky Steve. As a matter of fact, i'm going to see them in September at the Concord Pavilion and can hardly wait. Unfortunately the same outcome with Queen is not what i got. Paul Rodgers, who sang for Bad Company *a band i'm a slight fan of* is trying to sing lead for Queen. i saw them play for the Nelson Mandela concert..i tried very, very hard to like them. but that guy doesn't have the pipes to sing along to the crazy riffs Brian May provides. Not even close. He seemed like he was singing back up vocals to the damned guitar. It broke my fucking heart. i wish the boys woulda just left it alone. Really. i genuinely feel that way. i promise i gave it an honest try too. Maybe i'll go and listen to it again. On another note, anyone catch the trainwreck that is Amy Winehouse?....buh. i thought for sure she was going to fall or show her poo-nanny like seven times.
So a blog about Reno will appear shortly..i'm still semi-recuperating from the craziness..It was without a doubt A Weekend at Bernie's. i'll explain later..buahahahah!
Now, i've always been a huge Journey and Queen fan. i was raised on that shit..and to this day i love it to pieces. So with the depature of stinky ass Steve Perry, for reals...that guy had a HORRIBLE odor, and with the death of my beloved Freddie Mercury i had to be happy with their old stuff. But not now..Journey got a new singer and i think he sounds better than Stinky Steve. As a matter of fact, i'm going to see them in September at the Concord Pavilion and can hardly wait. Unfortunately the same outcome with Queen is not what i got. Paul Rodgers, who sang for Bad Company *a band i'm a slight fan of* is trying to sing lead for Queen. i saw them play for the Nelson Mandela concert..i tried very, very hard to like them. but that guy doesn't have the pipes to sing along to the crazy riffs Brian May provides. Not even close. He seemed like he was singing back up vocals to the damned guitar. It broke my fucking heart. i wish the boys woulda just left it alone. Really. i genuinely feel that way. i promise i gave it an honest try too. Maybe i'll go and listen to it again. On another note, anyone catch the trainwreck that is Amy Winehouse?....buh. i thought for sure she was going to fall or show her poo-nanny like seven times.
So a blog about Reno will appear shortly..i'm still semi-recuperating from the craziness..It was without a doubt A Weekend at Bernie's. i'll explain later..buahahahah!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Reno, here i come...hopefully i make it home alive.
i'm currently doing laundry..juiced up on crazy amounts of pills. These "antibiotics with a kick" which render me all noodly-armed and funky feeling..Nasal Decongestants, Tylenol, these horse pill sized vitamins which smell like a 32 day old rotten colon, Airbourne, and copious amounts of water..and then the occasional bowl of scalding hot miso soup and bubbling hot tea with honey by the spoonful. i'm taking this shit every four hours on the dot. Sleeping 12 hours every night and taking two one hour naps throughout the day. i'm feeling quite a bit better than i was yesterday thank god. i'm on what i have thought of as the express train to kicking illness in the ass. i *REFUSE* to feel like shit on my birthday. i have been looking forward to this trip to Reno for months upon months on end. i'm not allowed to drink alcohol while taking these antibiotics... We'll see how that pans out..i'm sure i'll have a Corona in my hand by 11. HAH. Meh...go big or go the fuck home, right?
Monday, June 23, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Nobody likes you when you're 23.
so since i was little....like around five i have had two chronic problems.
one...) i get really bad leg cramps.. excruiating pain. To the point where i have lain in fetal position for hours sobbing. i have gotten these things all of my life. i have seen the doctor about them, and they always say the same thing, that i'm just getting taller..Even though i am currently at five foot eight at 22 years of age. Whatever. i'll just assume that i am dying because of these leg cramps. Another problem of mine......................as lame as it sounds. The hiccups. i get them randomly for hours upon hours on end. i cannot stop them. they cause giant headaches...and they're just plain strange. i mean seriously, who gets the hiccups for hours?!
Currently, as i type this, i am smack damn in the middle of having the hiccups for three hours and counting. i try everything. holding my breath. drinking sugar water. drinking *ice* cold water. drinking water from the opposite side of the cup. thinking about other stuff. *NOTHING* works....nothing ever works. i just end up miserable for hours...mostly around four hours..i'm entering hour three and a half...all i want to do is sleep...but i can't.
oh god.....kill me now..it would be so much easier for me..
and on that note..my birthday is in six days. Truth be told. i'm excited. i get the feeling that 23 will be a fun and exciting year for me.
p.s. my phone is dun-zo. my father spilled water on it...so don't expect any phone calls from me for a while now...it's probably for the best, i am quite sure of that.
one...) i get really bad leg cramps.. excruiating pain. To the point where i have lain in fetal position for hours sobbing. i have gotten these things all of my life. i have seen the doctor about them, and they always say the same thing, that i'm just getting taller..Even though i am currently at five foot eight at 22 years of age. Whatever. i'll just assume that i am dying because of these leg cramps. Another problem of mine......................as lame as it sounds. The hiccups. i get them randomly for hours upon hours on end. i cannot stop them. they cause giant headaches...and they're just plain strange. i mean seriously, who gets the hiccups for hours?!
Currently, as i type this, i am smack damn in the middle of having the hiccups for three hours and counting. i try everything. holding my breath. drinking sugar water. drinking *ice* cold water. drinking water from the opposite side of the cup. thinking about other stuff. *NOTHING* works....nothing ever works. i just end up miserable for hours...mostly around four hours..i'm entering hour three and a half...all i want to do is sleep...but i can't.
oh god.....kill me now..it would be so much easier for me..
and on that note..my birthday is in six days. Truth be told. i'm excited. i get the feeling that 23 will be a fun and exciting year for me.
p.s. my phone is dun-zo. my father spilled water on it...so don't expect any phone calls from me for a while now...it's probably for the best, i am quite sure of that.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Real death.
So my next door neighbors have lived next to me since i was a baby. Don and Inez are two of the nicest people ever. i used to play with their grandson Tyler when we were little and was fortunate enough to go to high school with him and get to know him as an adult. He's a cool guy. i was coming home tonight after hanging out with a close friend of mine when i saw a fire truck coming down my street. So of course a sense of panic floods me as i follow it down the labyrinth that is my neighborhood. By the time i turn onto my own personal street i am flying at 50 mph following this fire truck, and now ambulance knowing that someone *cough, fatman, cough* has broken into my home and shot my father. i pull up and see them parked in front of my drive way. My heart rate is at an all time high when i pull my gear into "P". i sit in my truck staring off into space, crying. Panicked. Completely panicked. i see the EMTs come out of their vehicles and run a stretcher into my neighbors house. The strange thing? i wasn't relieved. A new sense of panic flooded my body. Is Don okay? Is Inez alright? i have to find out. i jog into my house and grab a make up wipe to rid my face of it's Urban Decay make up and peek out my window for at least ten minutes...both wiping the make up off and crying the make up off. i have known these people for nearly all of my life. i care about them. i didn't know this until now. i won't go into the details about what happened next. i don't feel as though it is any of my business to tell. But i really want to go and knock on the door to see if they need anyone to help them. i don't really know if this is appropriate, or warranted for that matter. But i have been crying for a while and feel like shit. Because i want to be there for the people that i care for, even if i only just now realized that. i hate the concept of death, simply in that it makes people realize things all too late most of the time. We never expect it to impact us. We all have this Superman concept, that we are invincible... and then of course it hits you like a kick to the side, knocking the wind out of you. Never to be seen, or expected. What a shitty thing.
Seriously, what shitty thing.
It really forces you to put things into perspective. That your problems, really aren't that big of a deal...to just get over shit. That there are larger things happening in this world.
Sometimes right next door.
Seriously, what shitty thing.
It really forces you to put things into perspective. That your problems, really aren't that big of a deal...to just get over shit. That there are larger things happening in this world.
Sometimes right next door.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Those pesky christians..cause i'm sure none of them ever wanna rub one off.
So i seemed to have forgotten. That swimming while drunk and naked is the most awesome thing ever. i just got done swimming shitfaced, and naked for like two hours. GLORIOUS. Don't ever let me forget this again. This weekend is going to kick ass. Tomorrow *er, today* i'm gonna be in Vacaville with hella of my good friends at the Freak Walk for Cajun night hanging out with the old white and black people, as Tou'Saint so beautifully put it. Then after that we're drinking at someone's house..whose i'm not quite sure yet...but somewheres. Then on Saturday i'm taking my dad to a Giants game. He doesn't know this yet...but i dropped around 160 bucks for some kickass tickets two rows back from the field on the first base line. i won't tell him how much i paid, he'll get pissed at me...but i need some Pappy time. Poor Matt Cain is gonna be pitching...and if he loses *which the Giants ALWAYS lose to the god damn A's* i'll be a sad puppy..Cause that guy pitches his ass off...and i'm almost positive that he's 2-3...and it's for the most part not his fault. Poor guy. i hope he gets a W on Saturday. Anyway...time for bed...i'm in such a loving mood right now..it kicks ass.
Hey - - anyone wanna go with me to the new porn shoppe in Vacaville to spray lube on the Christains picketing?? i want to attack them with lube and dildos so f-ing bad...Seriously..can you fucking believe this shit?!
Hey - - anyone wanna go with me to the new porn shoppe in Vacaville to spray lube on the Christains picketing?? i want to attack them with lube and dildos so f-ing bad...Seriously..can you fucking believe this shit?!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
utter sadness
ewwww...i just spent the last thirty minutes crying............................... who does that?
i'll tell you who...
weak people.
i'll tell you who...
weak people.
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