randomosity.

i have yet to feel the need to come onto the internet to "vent" about anything or to tell any stories, being that my life has been pretty laid back for the past few days. i would be lying if i didn't admit to still being incredibly sad over the failure of the CCGC show. i wonder if the judges have any sort of idea as to how much of an impact they have on people's lives with the results they give. i know it sounds absolutely ridiculous to be this fucked up over something like this..and i'm sure that's what the judges would tell me. Hell, it's what i tell people all the time "...it's just colorguard". Never in the ten years that i have been involved in this activity have results and scores mattered to me quite as much as they have this year. i suppose it has something to do with the fact that i have put so much of myself into this season. So much time, thought, effort..i have lost countless hours of sleep just laying in bed and thinking about what needs to be done to make this show win. Maybe that's where i went wrong, i put TOO much into it and it is as the judges call it "over-written". How heartbreaking. Far too late to do anything about it. So tragic to get a piece of information that if given to me earlier could have changed the outcome completely. Now it's too late and i have to render myself a quasi-failure. i'll do better next year..now that i know.

So i got wasted last night. Completely obliterated. The last time i did that was Theresa's birthday, and the time before that was New Years. It's almost the first of the month. Therefore i have a trend. On the first of every month i have been shit-faced. Hm. Everytime i get drunk it becomes rougher and rougher on me. It takes less and less alcohol to "get me there" and the results are usually a hangover that puts me into complete submission for the span of 15 hours or so. Ugh. Getting shitfaced has completely lost its appeal to me, and there is a part of me that is so sad about that. i find it completely and utterly ridiculous. Almost to the point of laughter.

If you are between the ages of 21 and 29 go and wikipedia a "quarter life crisis". . . Amada first told me about the book she was reading about this. i've been meaning to ask her if i could borrow it. i find that my feelings toward reading it would be something remniscient of Charlotte in the episode "Cover Girl" (Season 5 episode 4) when she needs a "self-help book". . . Hm. Ironically enough, i have Amada to thank for making me a bona-fide obsesser over all things SatC. Buh. May 30th cannot come any sooner.