California in December.

i was in Vacaville tonight. Drinking a bit, after i finished a long essay. Around two in the morning Jenelle grabbed my arm and dragged my semi-belligerent self outside through the side gate of her house. i shuffled through the thousand yellow leaves on the ground and stood in the middle of the street sipping my Corona. Then i noticed what she was wanting me to see. The fog. It was eeriely beautiful . . . as cliche as that sounds. You could barely see the house across the street. The streetlights set off this wonderful yellow glow. In the near distance you could hear the geese honking on the Vaca High football field. It was without a doubt, one of the most breathtaking experiences in my life. Jenelle and i stood in the middle of the street for what seemed an eternity, silent...just listening to the sounds of December in California. It made me so incredibly happy to be alive and where i'm at in my life. It's amazing to feel that way sometimes. It happens only occasionally.
But when it does, holy shit is it amazing.

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So, you know that question that people always ask.

If you could host a dinner party with five people who were already dead, who would you invite?

Well, i know who i would invite.

Freddie Mercury
Oscar Wilde
Lucille Ball
Anne Frank
William Shakespeare

i'd be slightly worried that Freddie, Oscar, and Billy would engage in some freaky threesome though. But because it's MY dinner party, such things would be frowned upon and otherwise not allowed. That is of course, unless it would be okay for me to watch/partake in.

i don't know how or why i got to thinking about this nonsense. But i must admit that i took a few months to come to this conclusion. i ruled out quite a few people. Shuffled around the guest list. Switched people in, then out, then back in again. i feel that this would be a spectacular guest list. Hopefully when i die this can be made possible. i know some people may seem a bit strange, but i just love everything that came out of their brains and/or souls while they were alive. i feel like if i could take in their essence for only an hour or so it would truly be amazing experience.

______


i thought about this year the other day, and i realized that it was over. i regret nothing that happened. i fully believe that this is the first time that i can say that. This was for sure a year that i will never forget. Not because it was an exceptional time full of wonderous memories. But more so because this year i grew as a woman more than i ever have in the time span that i have been alive. i think i am grateful for 2008, it opened my eyes to the horrible things that can happen to people...the sometimes harsh reality and how to deal/live with it all. i have matured a lot. It took me losing people from my life, gaining people in my life, experiencing new things, and no longer experiencing things that i used to do frequently to know that i am in fact, a good person. i am happy with who i am as a 23 year old woman. This next year i know that things are only going to change to another extreme. Everything in my life could possibly change. We'll find out sometime in July. Just around when i get back from Europe. i hate it so much. i hate the prospect of failure. College is just so fucked up like that. i truly cannot believe that i have arrived at this point in my life where i could actually enter "adulthood". It's almost sickening. Eh. i'm gonna go spoon with my Chihuahua now.