Plain and simple.

i have this horrible habit. Whenever i get overwhelemed i shut down. i sit at home, ignore phone calls, and am only able to focus on one or two things. Usually work related with the occassional hobby i.e. a book or a computer game. i'm there right now. Completely overwhelmed with some of the stupidest shit in the world. i was sitting at dinner tonight and after a glass of wine i began to vent for the first time in what seems forever. Just rant and rail about everything that has been bothering me for the past six months of so, and how they have all been adding up to a giant pile of shit sitting on my shoulder. i realized that i have no desire to deal with these things, no matter how important they are. i feel like i physically and mentally cannot deal with them. i just want to brush them under the rug and focus on school. i want a 4.0 this semester. i want to buy a car. i want Armijo to be successful. Those are my goals as of right now, and with all of the random clutter floating around in my brain i have no idea where to start. i know that in my brushing away of the dumb shit i could put myself in a really bad situation in the future. i'll probably regret not dealing with some of these things, but i know my capabilities as a person. i'm stubborn. Probably one of the most stubborn people i know. As a result i alienate people because i am not big enough to admit when i'm wrong or when i think i'm right, or more importantly when i know that i have done NOTHING wrong. i feel like there are certain people that blame me for some things that are going wrong in their lives. i can see how i would become the easy scapegoat. Knowing all of these things doesn't infuriate me, it simply makes me sad. i like things to be perfect, but i don't want to work on fixing things. i like them to just buff themselves out. In reality i know this isn't possible. But i don't have time to dwell on this shit anymore.